For those of you who worship at the Altar of the Oversized Endowment, Jocks' As Big As They Come III will certainly prove to be, as Robert Preston once said about another kind of plumbing, "a religious experience." Directed by Chi Chi LaRue, this heated programmer features many of the biggest erections around these days, and better still, most of them are attached to very hunky men who know what to do with them. Best of all, in the final sequence of the film, Spike finally gives up his ass, and for all those devotees who have been patiently waiting, the event proves to be something between an epiphany and Armageddon. Count your blessings.
Comprised of four loops (all threesomes) related only by their focus on gargantuan schlongs, As Big As They Come III begins with the entire cast, all clad in Calvin Klein briefs, flaunting their assets for all the others. Here, and in the webbing that separates the sequences, the camera lingers mostly on the baskets, not the faces, moving closer and closer into tighter and tighter close-ups as the film progresses. The resultant visions (thanks to the vibrant, fluid camera work of Max Phillips) are downright beatific.
The first vignette features Matt Majors, Eric Hart and Scott Matthews. Majors, who has made a powerful impression in such flicks as MSR's Sex in the City and Studio 2000's Wild and Wet, here continues his fast-track trip to superstardom. He is possessed of an expressive face, a swimmer's build dusted with a coating of fine hair, a palpable enthusiasm for all things sexual and a truly awe-inspiring erection. He is first seen in mechanic's coveralls behind the desk in the garage where he works, coaxing his long, thick, plum-headed cudgel to quick erection, and once at full mast, he is joined by Hart, who appears under the desk to service him. Hart, who exudes the same sort of sleek glamour as Kurt Young, is a master cock sucker whose voracity is simply astounding. He gobbles down the massive meat again and again, only varying his technique to pace himself by nibbling now and then on Majors' foreskin.
They are soon joined by the equally elephantine Matthews, and then the fun really begins. All are sloppy kissers, hungry suckers, determined rimmers and energetic fuckers. Both Majors and Matthews plow into Hart with equal verve (and Hart is a skillfully willing receiver), but before the scene is over, Majors has also drilled Matthews as well. Both Matthews and Hart are demanding bottoms, goading Majors to his max. The set-to ends with a close-up of the momentarily satisfied Hart, his face beaming in a lascivious smile, as if he cannot wait for the next round. In many ways, this episode is the high point of the film, and it lacks only one thing to be a perfect loop: Majors shifting gears and bottoming. How long, oh, Lord, how long will we have to wait for that?
The second episode features Johnny Brosnan, Jason Branch and Chad Johnson. Also set in the garage, the scene begins with Brosnan bringing in his bright red convertible to be serviced. The car is ignored, but Brosnan gets a tune-up that should hold him for another 50,000 miles. In no time, Branch and Johnson have stripped, and Brosnan is given a throatful of each. As he proved in Out of Athens, Brosnan is a frenetic oralist and an insatiable bottom. He is also a spit machine, dribbling saliva all over everything as he darts back and forth between the two tops, servicing them with equal abandon. The three of them suck and fuck all over the auto, but the high point of the scene occurs when Branch boffs Brosnan standing doggie as they are raised high into the air on an auto lift. In these moments, the dizzying angles from Phillips' camera are especially effective.
The third and least interesting sequence features Jeremy Jordan, Nick Young and Joe Young. It is set in the concrete-block-walled limbo that Falcon has been overusing of late, and the chemistry among the three never ignites. Piglet Jordan does the yeoman share of the work, servicing the other two and bottoming for them. A further problem in the scene is that the dark-haired Joe Young has erection maintenance problems throughout and is forced to resort to cram-fucking Jordan.
In the final set piece, however, Majors returns, this time with Spike and the bottled blond, Mark Rockwell. The setting is once again that cinder-blocked limbo, but the action immediately explodes as Spike and Rockwell take turns devouring Majors' major meat - no small task - and Rockwell struggles merely to get the monster into his mouth. Then the action shifts, and Majors struts his stuff orally, practically inhaling Spike's spike, damned near managing to deep throat every last inch of it. All three are ravenous rimmers, and after Spike throws Rockwell a hard-driving standing fuck, the action builds nicely to its almighty conclusion: Spike throws his legs in the air, his fist choking his own staff, and Majors enters him. Their missionary fuck is strong stuff - that's a lot of cock to take, and Spike's groans and grimaces seem absolutely real. Still, he manages to fire off his trademark propulsive fusillade - while being plowed - and it is, well, almost unearthly.
At 57 minutes, Big As They Come III is all too brief, and again we regret the Falcon-Jocks-Mustang decision to limit most of their films to four instead of the standard six scenes. But what is here (in at least three of the scenes) is manna from heaven. Let us rejoice for that.
- Jerry Douglas
