From The Porn Emperor: "Wet Dreams" is full-force Kristen Bjorn at his horny best. It's also his first two-part video, with a total of 25 studs in eight scenes -- and God only knows how many cum-shots. We don't have any imperial courtiers available to count them, but we would estimate about 60. "Wet Dreams" also represents some minor experimentation with the successful Bjorn formula. First of all, we have a return to some of the bigger, beefier body types that we saw in "ManWatcher" but that seemed less in evidence in "Thick as Thieves." Second, there is probably more body hair than we have ever seen before in a Bjorn flick. A couple of guys appear to have complete, unclipped pelts of chest and stomach hair; others are clipped rather than shaved. Hairy asses are frequently seen. Those who like that smooth, plucked-chicken look will be disappointed, but some of us find this a great improvement. Especially since there's so much variety in the men, including smooth as well as hairy guys. The videos are loosely organized around the dreamy reveries of Ferran Griego, who likes to hang out in a warehouse with a bunch of sailors, playing jazz on his saxophone accompanied by Buddy Jones on the big bass and Francisco Magnani on piano. Ferran even sings. We're pretty sure it's dubbed, because all the playing is clearly faked. But he does a pretty good job of it. He sings a little song: "... do you want to see me cry? You always make me cry ..." Awwww. You see, Ferran has a big crush on Buddy, whom he says can have any man he wants. Yes, we can imagine that. If we had that body and a dick like a kielbasa, we'd do pretty well, too. While everyone is distracted by the singing, Julio Duran is stealing bottles of booze from the bar. Well, that's the basic premise, but since this is a looooong two-parter, we won't go into excruciating detail (like we usually do, boring the heck out of our loyal subjects). Instead, we'll tell you who's in each scene and give you some of the highlights -- you know, just sort of pique your interest.

A DVD Review by The Porn Empero

Ferran Griego imagines hunky Buddy Jones stripping and drinking milk and getting it all over himself while he cums. Buddy looks leaner here than usual -- and while he's still fantastic, we kind of liked him a little fleshier. He still has that humongous dick, though. He also seems to have more of his natural body hair than in earlier appearances. He puts a lot into his performance -- he has a cute, boyish voice and his sex-talk is somehow more convincing and engaging than the usual performer's.

In the first full-fledged sex scene, Buddy is accosted by hunky, hard-bodied, blond German sailor Hans Hintern as he packs up his "instrument" after a performance. They speak the universal language even while their sex-talk is in both English and German. (We're learning lots of new German dirty words, what with this video and the Cazzo vids.)

While Buddy's fucking Hans's tight round ass, beefy janitor Marc Fortier shows up. Marc is a huge bodybuilder-ish type, who jacks off watching Hans bounce on Buddy's big one before joining the action himself. Marc is a dark and exotic-looking with lots of short-cropped body hair covering his hard muscles. His dick is huge, too -- only slightly smaller than Buddy's. Hans is the only bottom in this scene. (Too bad -- we'd have loved to have seen macho Marc take Buddy's big schlong.) But Hans bottoms for both and they all have sex in various positions.

Poor Ferran is lonely. He muses on how everyone has a place to go, except him. Poor thing. You'd think he could at least afford a buckle to fasten that side of his overalls that keeps falling down. Anyhow, this is our entree into the next scene, where Serge des Marais, a stunning, French-speaking brunet, is videotaping Bjorn regular Alexei Gromoff and muscular Istvan Turani as they wrestle around in an expensive-looking parlor. They look like they're trying to do that Brazilian martial art that involves all those cartwheels and acrobatics. Of course, Serge is buck-naked with a hardon, and his Eastern European models somehow understand his French instructions without speaking French themselves.

Meanwhile, outside the house, wandering German sailors Erich Rieger and Johann Hofmann show up. Erich takes a leak. This display of macho masculinity leads Johann to blow him, despite the fact that they're in some stranger's front yard. They're soon discovered by the guys inside, who invite them in. It's an orgy! Later, Ferran is invited in as well. It looks like he's finally found his own "place to go." Istvan, like Marc Fortier, is another major Bjorn discovery of the beefy kind. Hugely built with smooth, hard muscles, a beautiful face, and a nice cock -- what more could you ask for? Erich sports lots of black body hair and is a little older than the average Bjorn model -- he looks like he's about forty. Ferran, our protagonist, has some clipped body hair and a tight body with a thick, but not especially long dick. His face is not classically handsome, but he has a kind of masculine sexiness that's enhanced by his obvious enthusiasm. The variety of men only adds to the sexiness of the scene.

The two Germans are brought in and fucked -- you mean THAT'S their PUNISHMENT? Geesh, we have to start peeing in front yards more often. During the course of the scene, Erich, Johann and Alexei bottom, and Istvan, Alexei, Serge, Erich and Ferran top. Especially notable is Ferran's teasing, sexy fuck of Alexei. By the end of the scene, cum flies everywhere.

Jorge Martinez and Miguel Leon drive their fancy BMW roadster into an equally fancy driveway of a monstrous mansion. They decide the car needs a wash, so, of course, they have to strip to their underwear. Sudsy play ensues, but when they get down to full body contact, the car is miraculously dry again (where's the continuity guy when you need him?). You'll all remember Jorge from "Hot Times in Little Havana." He's tall with a huge, fat, downward-curving dick, which Miguel sucks right down to the root. They're observed by Francisco Magnani, who popped in through their security gate as the car passed through. Of course he's spotted, and, this being pornland, is invited to join in the fun. Highlights include Francisco getting a double cum-bath as both men fire at once on his chest, and big-dicked Jorge getting fucked by Miguel over the car while his giant dick stays hard. Miguel is even better later on as a bottom, as his ass moves back to take more of Jorge's meat and he wiggles and grabs Jorge to get a more vigorous fuck. The cum is especially copious throughout this scene.

In the last scene, Ferran continues his depressed musing out on the beach as he watches three studs frolicking in the water and wishes he could be happy and in love like them. Seems to us like he's reading a lot into the situation, but that happens when you're depressed. We'll see more of these three hunks later, but first ... Ferran spies Buddy pulling up in his big motorboat. He quickly strips to his 2Xist undies and swims out. WAY out. Suddenly he's breast-stroking up to the boat and the shoreline is about two miles away. Quite an athletic feat. But at last ... he's making it with the much-longed-for Buddy. They have sex on the boat and in the water, including an underwater cum-shot from Buddy clearly filmed in a swimming pool somewhere, and lots of dreamlike underwater swimming sequences. Hey, suddenly they ARE in a pool! When they go inside the big house, the fucking begins, and Ferran's fucking of Buddy is probably the highlight of the video. It's not only that their bodies are intertwined and they seem to be really turned on; it's that their sex-talk, driven largely by Buddy, is sexy and convincing. We especially love Buddy's whimpering little half-sob, half-chuckle by which he expresses his pleasure. The whole scene is highly sensuous, certainly one of Bjorn's best. Especially notable is Ferran's pile-driving of Buddy while pressed full-length against his back, and seeing Buddy's giant dick fully hard while Ferran fucks him on his side. Buddy also shoots a big load into his own mouth and gobbles it down at one point. But after Ferran's spectacular final cum-shot, Ferran awakens on the beach.

Oh no! It was just another dream. Poor little Ferran!

The DVD version includes an easy-to-navigate menu (with a generous breakdown of chapters) and a slide-show gallery of stills from the production with a director's commentary (which can be easily turned on or off and is synchronized as a sound overlay throughout the slide-show presentation).

A DVD Review by The Porn Empero

Okay, I know that it has taken me an incredibly abnormal amount of time to get these Kristen Bjorn reviews out, and I apologize - however, you must realize that watching a Bjorn title is like tasting a fine wine. It gets better and better with each taste. This two-part series is no exception.

First off, in order to watch these two videos in their entirety, it took me a month. With more than 90 cumshots overall, that's a lot of sex to have to sit through. I may be old but I ain't dead Take that whatever way you'd like.

Anyway, if there is one thing that Kristen Bjorn is, it's reliable. He fills his videos with the world's most gorgeous muscle-hunks with consistently hard erections (not to mention monstrous cocks) who show incredible passion and versatility and produce gallons of cumshots - and I haven't even touched on the technical aspects yet. The videography, the music (which is exceptional in these titles), the editing and, of course, the direction, all maintain the Bjorn standard and will not fail getting the audience off.

Wet Dreams follows lonely saxophone player Ferran Griego (although I wish I could be half as lonely as this guy is), who works at a jazz nightclub near the docks where men walk in and out of the players' lives. He has a crush on bass player Buddy Jones (one of my favorites). Within the first few moments, a fantasy is conjured up by Griego, one that has Jones dousing his fantastic body in milk and giving a no-handed cumshot that is a guarantee of Bjorn's. (I can already see the billboards: Got Milk?) It's an incredible solo performance - albeit a tad too brief.

His solo ultimately blends into the seduction of a little blond German sailor (Hans Hintern) who is gorgeous. Both Jones and Hintern have terrific chemistry as they take turns blowing each other to orgasm (Jones eating his own spooge) and then Jones making love to Hintern's hole with beer and, consequently, the beer bottle itself. Hintern then takes a seat on the beefy buck's cock as Frenchman Marc Fortier, as a handyman restocking a beer keg, walks in with his delivery. What he actually delivers is a jack-off session over the pair. Everybody cums (again - Bjorn has each guy in almost every scene generate enough spunk to populate an entire continent), and then Jones and Hintern work Fortier from both ends, alternately eating his ass and sucking his dick. As a finale, both Jones and Fortier take turns ramming their mammoth rods into Hintern's pretty pink hole.

Griego shakes himself from his fantasy and informs viewers (through voice-over) that Jones has disappeared, and he is depressed. He wanders around, despondent.

Serge Des Marais is filming Istvan Turani and Bjorn fave Alexei Gromoff as they wrestle. Des Marais is naked, of course, thank God, and sports a fantastic boner. As that is going on, German sailors Erich Rieger and Johan Hofmann appear outside. Rieger takes a leak and coaxes Hofmann into slurping his dick. Meanwhile, Turani and Gromoff have stripped each other down and jacked each other off as Des Marais blows a trademarked Bjorn no-handed cumshot. The three guys hear the commotion outside, and eventually, bring the Germans in, where they each take stabs at the trespassers. Griego appears in the window and watches, only to be discovered by the five hunks. He is hustled inside and thrown on his knees to blow each guy in turn. Then the six guys pair up: Griego fucks Gromoff, Rieger fucks Hofmann, Des Marais blows Turani. Finally, Turani gets his turn at Gromoff's ass.

Miguel Leon and boyfriend Jorge Martinez are cruising around in their Boxster (I have no idea what kind of car that is - I just know that it was silver and a convertible and pretty fucking cool). They pull into their drive and are spied upon by Francisco Magnani, who slips in just as the wrought-iron gate swings to a close. He watches as the lovers wash the car, drenching the car and each other, providing some of the best visuals in the video. The soapy water cascading down the dark-skinned backs of the men is visually stunning. The two men take turns devouring each other's meaty rods before they spot Magnani and invite him over for some more oral play. Then Leon fucks Martinez over the car as Magnani provides more oral care (Magnani is strictly oral in this scene). The guys move inside for some tasty rimming before Leon gives up his butt to Martinez's big, curvy cock.

I'm not sure what that scene had to do with the story but I actually didn't care much, to be honest with you.

Final scene - oh, man. Hot, hot, hot! Griego is laying on the beach and watches as three guys cavort in the water before they run off (they will reappear in Part Two) and then spots a boat off in the distance on the water. Turns out to be Jones! Griego strips down and dives in the water, emerging on the deck of the boat to a grinning Jones sporting his majestic boner. The two take turns sucking each other on the boat before taking their escapade closer to shore and have a brief, fantastic underwater oral romp in first the ocean, then a pool. Bjorn captures some more amazing shots, from the underwater footage to the underwater cumshots. Is there anything this guy can't shoot? He could make reading a telephone book hot. Anyway, Jones and Griego head inside, where the real action begins. After Griego greases up Jones' ass with his tongue, he slips his rock-hard cock right up Jones' rectum. Jones (I've mentioned the man is fucking hot, right?) coos and whimpers as Griego pounds him. They both explode and then move to the bedroom where Griego again digs his tongue deep into Jones' crack before burying his bone once again. At one point, Jones is having his ass cleaned and blows his wad right into his mouth. Hot. These two have fantastic chemistry, and this scene deserves some recognition come Grabby-award time next year.

Now, the bitch of it all: The whole damn scene was a dream! Hence, the title, I suppose.

Stay tuned for Part Two...

- Jeremy Spencer