"Eight fucking million people, eight fucking million dreams. So why do I want to be eight million and one? Because this is the entertainment capital of the world and I'm built to perform. Temptation, control, lust, revenge -- every good story has them. But, if it's your show, then direct it. Take the reigns. It's all about having the power. It's about being a king," says confident Christopher Daniels as he alights a cab and heads into a theater.
He will need all of his cocky swagger and confidence, because "Kings of New York" don't survive without them. In the second season of "Kings of New York," astronomical budgets, a dream cast, guest stars galore and heaps of creativity makes one hard and makes one drool, or, if you are like me, you want a crown big and bad.
In a dressing room, "RuPaul's Drag Race" favorite, drag superstar Latrice Royale is bantering back and forth with Dean Monroe, still and forever one of the great beauties of gay porn -- handsome up top, endowed down below. In sweeps Christopher Daniels, tall, light-haired and smiling, ignoring Dean to ask how Latrice is part of the show. "They need a big top to run the circus," she replies and when Dean takes offense at a slung barb, Latrice tells him "if the show fits, lace the bitch up!" Christopher is cut throat and cold-blooded, as when he tells Dean and Latrice "mentally ... I've already killed you three times, hidden the bodies and taken over as headliner of the show." This crackling dialogue is notably strong because when you have Dean, Christopher and Latrice Royale (in and out of drag), you have three ace performers who can act.
The circus Latrice mentioned is a show of libidinous depravity, starting with fire-eaters in Pierrot costumes and aerial stunts using silks descending from the ceiling. Temptation is the theme, so out comes the Garden of Eden. Literally. Dean is covered head to toe, except for his mouth, which has an apple stuck in it. There's also a snake wrapped around him. Still full of bravado, Christopher removes the apple and then removes Dean from his costume just enough to kiss and lick Dean with a sultry slow burn. When both guys are pretty much out of their body suits, Christopher kneels in front of Dean and deep-throats him. Bathed in colored lights, Christopher keeps sucking, taking a breath only when Dean wants to drop some spit into his mouth for extra lubricant. Christopher's equally hefty dick and balls get royal treatment from Dean, who quickly moves to licking Christopher's hole with a flapping tongue that knows every possible rimming trick. Christopher
returns the ass-munching in kind, prying Dean's cheeks apart to get way in. Oral pleasantries over, Christopher sits on Dean's cock and rides with a carefully constructed impaling that increases in speed. Dean continues that when he rams upwards. A brief blowjob interlude is followed by Christopher lubing up Dean's hole to the wailing encouragement of the circus patrons, begging to see Christopher top Dean. This turns out to be the highlight of the scene, with Christopher as fiery as the opening act. He fucks Dean with forceful intent, digging deep into Dean's ass recklessly. He has Dean almost upside down at one point, but it's the power that defines Christopher's fucking. Dean, eyes locked on his top, cums and lets Christopher lap it up. Dean sits on Christopher's face, which gets the latter to cum quickly so they can snowball lots of cum mouth-to-mouth. Now that's the way to end a sex scene. They guys take a well-earned bow.
"In this town, people can spend their entire lives thinking they are in the spotlight, but in this society, skills ambition and talent aren't necessities for fame. Infamy, as it were," Johnny Hazzard narrates, though following it up by saying he doesn't want to be a king. It's difficult to stick to the narration here because it's done while none other than one of the grand queens of TV wackadoo, Tan Mom, using a portable tanning apparatus at her work desk. Luckily, her work is a receptionist at a tanning salon where Johnny, reedy, scrufy and tasty as always, has gone with his beau Liam Magnuson to slap on some electric tan. "What level would you like, from one to Whoopi Goldberg," Tan Mom asks hunky handsome Liam. Unlike Latrice in the last scene, who knows how to turn words into showstoppers, Tan Mom's fidgeting and halting speech make most porn stars sound like Ralph Fiennes. When Liam comes out of the booth, more orange than an orange, Johnny gives us
our second "Ghost" reference, shocked at Liam's look: "Molly, you in danger girl." Look on the bright side, or perhaps the less bright side, Liam: you still have an awesome Mohawk and a stacked body. "Bobbi Kristina, I know you had a hard year, but look!" he rails at Tan Mom before they beat a hasty retreat, Tan Mom dashing back to her precious booths. We just covered the Western Hemisphere's pop culture in a matter of minutes. If only those named could manage to be as pithy as Johnny and Liam.
Luckily, Liam is able to wash most of the spray-tan off, but Johnny loves him no matter what, evident when they make out. The camera lavishes attention on Liam's muscles, which, in an industry filled with them, are still gasp-inducing and perfect. So is his cock, plump and big. Johnny is just as ready, so he stands against the wall and has Liam noisily blow him. Liam is a devoted sucker, gulping to the gag happily and also spending time on Johnny's balls. Johnny, always a notable cocksucker, is in ideal oral shape here. His first order of business is to deep-throat Liam and then keep doing it, finding the speeds and techniques that make Liam crazy with pleasure. Liam is lucky to rim Johnny's butt of two fluffy cheeks and hair at the hole. With his whole face, Liam kisses and licks everything from Johnny's cock on up, and he does it beautifully. Liam then pins Johnny to the bed, with Johnny wrapping his legs around his mighty co-star, giving us a tease of
what the fuck will look like. All in good time, because the guys want to 69 for a bit. Liam is still on fire, and Johnny does well too, but he's on his back, always the more difficult position. Now we can return to the anticipated fuck. Johnny uses his mouth to roll a condom down Liam's cock, lubes it and then sits on the dick. "Awww, is that what you needed?" Liam asks, sweetly and generously. Liam pushes up into Johnny with piston thrusts, but what makes this scene sizzle is not just the sex (which is wonderful), but their chemistry. Liam is constantly making sure Johnny is loving it, and in this riding position, each knows when to take over the heavy work to let the other rest. Liam gives it to Johnny from behind, his towering frame able to push his cock into Johnny, barely breaking a sweat. Once there, he can get playful with speeds and power. There is a gracefulness to Liam's style that fits the mood of happy lovers. "I need to see your face, baby,
so I can cum," Liam whispers into Johnny's ear. With that line, I wanted to take him home to meet my parents! Johnny obliges by rolling over and continuing his romantic trip in and out of Johnny's hole. Johnny's geyser cum-shot shocks Liam into crowing, "you got your own face, baby!" Liam then cums on Johnny's chest.
"When a door closes in this city, you'd better have a damn interesting knock to open up another one. You can't quit climbing, then you will be buried by someone else's ambition," we are told by none other than Michael Musto, whom I pray will not be in a sex scene like the last two narrators. I won't quote the rest of his speech, but it exists to spoof his own life at the time of this movie's filming. He was unceremoniously dumped from "The Village Voice," his decades-long home that turned him into one of NYC entertainment's most beloved gadflies. "How many retired kings do you know?" he snaps.
Musto goes into a small off-Broadway theater, standing in for the demolished and much-missed NYC stripping landmark, The Gaiety. From the back come Brazilian dreamboat Jimmy Durano, and the always-welcome spitfire Angelo Marconi. "Do you need something?" Jimmy asks. "Relevancy," Musto retorts. Slap your thigh in laughter or ignore him, he's used to both. With Musto turning in sour puns with every breath, Jimmy and Angelo are supportive, assuring him he will land on his feet. He explains to them that he started writing his column in this space and wants to return to that part of his life to reinvent himself. We then get a flashback (and Musto better thank the powers-that-be for having dreamy Blake Morris play him, though he might also question why everyone is wearing the clothes of today, instead of the styles of the 1950s or whatever decade found Musto starting his career), as the crowd enjoys a stripper so agile, everyone is agog. One patron reaches for
a bottle of champagne to spray all over the dancer, who loves it! Jimmy and Angelo assure Musto they want to revive those salad days, where they can "mix kings and queens together as New York City royalty," as per Jimmy. Musto is delighted! If you didn't follow my explanation, definitely watch this scene in the movie, but I don't guarantee it will be clearer. However it's fun and Musto is a good sport with self-parody.
Making good on their word, the club is turned into a seedy, dark, hole-in-the-wall strip joint (that's praise, by the way). There is a big dance act from Jada Valenciaga, whose petite curvy body shakes marvelously, along with two back-up dancers.
Back in the plot, Angelo is greeting the morning on his balcony with a cup of coffee when Jimmy comes behind him to coo that they have make their dreams come true. "Can we celebrate now?" Angelo asks. This is a very interesting pairing because both Angelo and Jimmy are muscular, masculine and full of limitless energy. Together, their force may top even an atomic bomb. They start sweetly, kissing lovingly and groping for each other's hardening cocks. Jimmy, dark-haired and ripped so succulently from head to toe, pulls off his rugged swarthy co-star's underwear and pounces onto his cock with a frisky blowjob. Then it's Angelo's turn. He starts with huge wattage and only spews more as Jimmy's amazing dick grows to its full enormous size in his mouth. He's an awfully attentive sucker, and when has a cock this suckable, he gives it everything he has. While Jimmy freezes in a state of pleasure, Angelo gags himself over and over. However, Angelo and Jimmy are
both at their best when it's time to fuck. Angelo has taken everything and everyone up his butt during his lengthy career, so naturally when he sits on Jimmy to bounce, he almost hits the ceiling. Twelve more cocks could fit in there, but I wouldn't trade Jimmy Durano for 12 cocks any day. Jimmy lightly rims Angelo and then fingers him before inserting his dick and taking control over the scene. Angelo tries to push backwards, but Jimmy is too grand a top to let that happen, so he slams into Angelo with all of his might. He is in deep, stays in deep and power-fucks the heck out of his willing bottom. In their third and last position, they don't look at each other, but rather their reflections in a mirror. Hey, if they see what we see, of course it will be inspiring! Angelo cums on his stomach and Jimmy unleashes a torrent of spunk on Angelo's face. Satisfied customers in the club, satisfied Musto in his own world and now satisfied lovers.
"In this town, you'll never make it just by talking the talk ... And I walk with my head held high because my arrogance is the steam that's powered my dreams. I walk like this because I can back it up. I have earned my ego. I have earned my throne. And I am king," says our next royal wannabe, Andrew Stark, strutting into a photoshoot with dark sunglasses and dark attitude.
Talk about regal assholes. He wins hands down, and whether that's good or bad, we will have to wait to find out. For the moment, he's treating photoshoot lackeys Jed Athens and Roy Jones like crap. "Is there anything else I can get for you?" Jed inquires. "Space." Great, now we have Brando on our hands. But wait, it gets worse! The photographer is Reichen Lehmkuhl, a Dick Tracy character come to life. He's even nastier to everyone on the set than Andrew, who is tall with a shaved head except for a tuft on the top. The catty assistants are relieved once the shoot starts. "You just can't let 'em see you choke," Jed is told. Reichen wants a "Mad Men" character from Andrew, who is not in the mood. He and Reichen battle it out, with Reichen snarling, "the graveyard is full of people who thought they were irreplaceable," a damn good line, but Reichen lacks the self-awareness of Michael Musto to revel in the irony. When Andrew pisses off Reichen one more time,
Reichen orders "assistant" to take over as the model. That would be Jed, who gets a full makeover by Roy before stepping in front of the cameras. He is a tattooed willowy guy, good looking, but not at all the same type as Andrew. A contrary Andrew returns to the set, only to be lectured on how to stay on the A-List (by Reichen, of course, who has yet to answer that question in his own career) and then has to share the shoot with Jed. Reichen finishes up, Roy trots off, leaving the two models alone.
As they banter back and forth, the chemistry starts to bubble, but it's once-mousey Jed who has the confidence enough to deliver the "let's get it on," wanting to know if what everyone says about Andrew is true: "that you have a very very very big ego," with his eyes looking down at Andrew's crotch. Andrew pins Jed against the wall, kissing and undressing him. Jed tries now and then to wrangle control, and the secret to managing Andrew seems to be nibbling on his neck. He's powerless to resist anything when that's happening. Jed falls to the floor and sucks Andrew with a lip-smacking eagerness. Andrew has a hefty piece and Jed fearlessly takes it all, particularly good when orally tugging on Andrew's balls. Jed turns Andrew toward the wall so his tongue can find its way into Andrew's ass. The rimming here is so strong and insistent. Jed cannot work fast enough to taste all he wants to taste, but damn is he a good little muncher! They move from the wall
to the couch, Jed still ravaging Andrew's hole. Finally, long after Jed has already stolen the scene a few times over, does Andrew consider sucking. They 69, but it's Jed with the earnest and still-thrilling talent, though Andrew actually can deep-throat now and then. It seems the second secret to controlling Andrew is to have a great ass, and Jed certainly does. Just looking at it gets Andrew even harder. With Jed upside down, Andrew, facing the opposite way, sinks his cock into Jed's ass with not a hint of tightness. Jed is as velvety and welcoming as they come, and Andrew is a proficient performer, if a bit on the tame side. Jed's choirboy looks clearly mask a ravenous sexpig and the fuck is at its best when Andrew remembers that and ratchets up the speed and force. Neither of the guys is hard the whole time and they rely on the big moments to carry them along in what is the movie's least potent scene. By the time Jed cums, with Andrew nailing him at
his fastest, it's a relief to both guys, but yet the action continues. Jed rides Andrew spectacularly, bouncing and grinding, showing off exquisite bottoming skills. Andrew cums, with Jed there to lap it up, and then Jed blasts again!
One more narrator, one more florid explanation of reaching for NYC's brass ring. "We all build bridges. Structured to link the gap between the physical and a relationship, terrain that can be treacherous to cross, so you better have damn steady anchors. When that bridge falls down, you have to find a way out of the trenches," as per Sean Xavier's lecturing tone. I don't think he means it literally as NY State ruled in 2013 that no bridges can be named after a living person (in response to the unpopularity of renaming one after former NYC Mayor Koch).
Sinfully sexy Sean is in the middle of a divorce from Duncan Black, a bitter one that has two lawyers arguing every point about contracts the hubbies had drawn up. For example, Sean was not allowed to eat carrots because if his eyesight got better, he might fall for a hotter guy than Duncan (listen to the dialogue, I'm not making this up!). But, the lawyers are inept, and only a woman can handle a thorny case like this. Cue Candis Cayne, as history's most buxom judge, giving Latrice Royale some tough competition in the non-sexual cameo category. With lines like, "if I gave a shit, it would be on your face, so we can't go there," how can the stunning Ms. Cayne possibly lose? Just when you want to groan at her bad "Mommie Dearest" quotes, the twists on the lines save her: "don't fuck with me fellas, this ain't my first time ... working with two big dicks." Taking a page out of RuPaul's playbook (with a little Lady Bunny, a little Jackie Beat, a little of
anyone who can't claim copyright infringement, tossed in there for good measure), Judge Candis insists that the guys have a dance-off to decide how things are to be split up. Candis tries her best not to dissolve into laughter a Sean does an inept take on dancing. "You better be from Iraq, because I wanna see you Bagdad that thing up," she clucks to Duncan, a pun so ludicrous, you just have to laugh. Well, at least I did. One wind machine and one soundtrack later, Candis is lip-synching for ... I don't know what the hell she's doing, but I think Samantha Fox, no matter which trailer park she's living in now, would be proud. At the end, Candis is all but bursting out of her clothing and confetti rains down. Are you confused? Screw it, just shut up and go along, we'll all figure it out later. We got some sex to get to!
The guys are sent back home to work things out, and they are half undressed before even reaching the bedroom. The kissing is passionate, they smile at each other, make great eye contact, hit all the right spots, in other words, set themselves up for a wowing scene. Duncan's thick dick, rising out of a mound of hair, is catnip to Sean, who takes it whole and still watches his lover enjoy it. Tight young Duncan has turned into a sex beast ready to pounce, so making him wait while Sean starts is a great idea. However, once Sean flops out his double-digit dick, Duncan can't help but go wild. It is not a cock that is easy to suck, but Duncan handles it as well as anyone I can remember (or fantasize about). Sean can do push-ups into Duncan's mouth and still have his cock deep-throated, with not even a hint of gagging. Duncan is ferocious in his quest to conquer Sean's cock, and totally successful. Duncan has his own body part that must be tasted, his ass.
Sean's pink tongue lavishes it with attention and then his face helps get it open. The moment I was waiting for during the oral (and frankly the whole scene leading up to it) finally comes: yes, Duncan can take every inch of Sean immediately without Sean having to play nice. Indeed, Duncan backs up on Sean to show him he can take it harder and faster than the top had so far expected. With renewed vigor, Sean takes up that challenge and the Duncan squats his delectable ass onto Sean's cock and rides. This position overall has been the best in nearly all of the scenes, a real proof of how great these bottoms are, and we can happily add Duncan to that list of success stories. Sean is a quiet performer, letting his dick do all the work, but Duncan brays with pleasure and Sean gets caught up in it more than he usually does. Duncan does just as well on his back, legs pinned behind his ears. Duncan returns to his ace sucking of Sean, earning himself another
round of ass-stretching fucking. Sean is tough and demanding here, then Duncan sweeps back into scene stealing mode riding again, but it ends with Duncan on his back, being hammered by Sean, both of them battling to spill their seed and end the unnecessary divorce proceedings. I hope Judge Candis approves. How can she not?
"Kings of New York: Season 2" is a perfect example of how porn can be hilarious and sexy. The situations, the dialogue, the guest stars, all of them are wacky, over-the-top and kooky, but they stay on their own side of the movie, the side without the sex. That's left to the porn stars, who do not disappoint on their side. There is so much giddiness to be had here, both from the plots and the sex, the latter of which is notably strong in many of the scenes. I guess all of that is to be expected. In NYC, we know we're funnier and sexier than denizens of other towns. We're not afraid to admit it. That's why we can have all these Queens as Kings. Do you want to disagree and find out what a reading session with Latrice Royale will mean for you? Do you want to disagree and find out what having Sean Xavier's dick all the way inside you? Oh, wait, hmmmm, one of those doesn't sound like punishment at all!
DVD features: Chapters; widescreen; behind-the-scenes footage; trailers ("Power Play" and "Lovers in Paradise"); and no regional coding.
A DVD Review by Brent Blue ( http://ManNet.com )
*** Highly, Highly Recommended ***
