I'll be hornswoggled and whipped until the cows do come home if Tony Alizzi's "White Trash" isn't about the funniest video of the year, and as sexy as it is hilarious. This video is not just called "White Trash." It is white trash. Every frame, every idea, even the tabloid-like box cover, is permeated with the concept. Director Alizzi even has his cast members spew white-trash dirty-talk during the sex scenes. Filmed to take advantage of a land of trailers, written in a gross grandiose style by talented Rick Tugger, this video is absolutely a pinnacle of plotted pornography, although it aims to mock something a whole lot less glamorous. The video opens with shots of a trailer, of wild dogs, of livestock, with cowpoke music, screen doors with missing panels and paint chips all over the place. It also starts with the white trash hero himself, Jerry Springer. The massively rugged handsome Trent Cougar, is trying to watch his show. But, his wife, Earlene, played up and made up as trashy as possible by Rowdy Carson, wants him to go with her to the Karaoke finals. She's sure she's going to win. He'd rather stick to his bad patterned sofa, ripped T-shirt and beer, doing pig noises to chase her out with her friend Sharon Kane, who could play a role like this in her sleep. As the girls go off in their convertible (Sharon has to have Rowdy remove the used beer cans from the seat before she can even sit down), Rowdy tells her son Rod Barry to make sure nephew Bret Wolfe doesn't shove everything in the trailer in his mouth.

Oh, well, too late. He's already got Uncle Trent shoved up there. Trent is a rough-and-tumble player with a hard look and a gorgeous too-big-for-mouth cock. Scruffy brunet Bret is egged on by Trent, dirty-talking up such a storm only the stained couch in the double-wide is cleaner. Bret is rabid, full of the nastiness his face promises. At times, you can barely see him, he's going so fast. As Trent's wife noted, he's an absolute pig, slappin' his nephew's face, spittin' on him and orderin' him to keep suckin'. Bret never tires, gorgin' himself on the cockflesh as instructed. Gettin' nearly all the way down the dick, Bret chokes, and that dee-lights Trent! "I'm going to beat the shit outta ya if you don't suck that dick right!," he blasts. I'm surprised that Trent even notices the top-drawer blowjob he's getting, starin' at the television watchin' Springer as he is. Though Trent is nominally in charge here, it's Bret who owns the scene with an unequalled never-stoppin' jaw. He's rewarded for his trouble with a blast of cum and then a spit of beer from Uncle Trent. "Damn boy, if Earlene had a throat like you, she might just be able to win that contest!," Trent coos.

The girls race off to a gas station and bellow for "Mr. Gas Man," who is none other than the deliciously chiseled Clay Maverick. Earlene flirts accordingly with the worst of gas puns, but the fun of them is that they are done visually at the same time, showing that everyone involved is in on the joke. At the same time, Trent's son, Rod Barry, teases his cousin Bret by taking a piss in front of him and removing some clothing to reveal a tattoo-filled white-trash look (except for his New York Yankees tattoo, Rod couldn't be more ideal casting). Back at the gas station, Earlene thanks "Mr. Chippendale's" before inviting him to the fake sing shindig. Clay politely begs off and catches blond scraggly Anthony Shaw blowing trucker Chad Johnson in the clean bathroom of his gas station (so clean the stains are only a week old and the drawings of pussy are still fresh enough to make out). Clay smushes Anthony's head into blowin' Chad's monstrous cock through a glory hole. Everyone looks the part, Chad in his manly T-shirt and Anthony, who is usually a shining exemplar of clipped perfection, appropriately shaggy here. Anthony can take a whole heap of Chad's cock, and he has a great time lavishin' care on it. Anthony also tends to Clay's gorgeous cock, going back and forth like a pro. Spirited Clay forces him to slurp both dicks down as if he were plying his friend at a two-for-one Keystone beer blast. Chad must be as tasty as a leftover pork rind, because Anthony loves his cock more 'n anythin'. Daddy Chaddy gives Anthony a rest by blowin' him for a little, shot through the glory hole, a Tony Alizzi special. Anthony is a mass of hip-swivels as he takes it from Chad and vents his sex drive on Clay's muscular pecs. Anthony begs to sit on Chad's cock so earnestly you'd think it were the blue-ribbon prize at the state fair. Turns out to be, since Anthony sits on it and rides it like a mechanical bull. The ride is most comfortable, but the highlight is the quiverin' from Anthony's buttcheeks. Chad is, as usual, subdued, allowin' his co-stars to take over the scene. Once he cums on Anthony's ass, Chad gets dressed and announces "I'm outta here." However, Clay isn't done. "C'mon on, boy, git on that shit!," Clay demands of Anthony to suck his cock. Anthony is just as worthy as before with his short jabby blowing, and then Clay impolitely announces he has to take a piss. As Clay further contaminates the infested urinal, he forces Anthony to eat his cleaner ass. Clay finally gets his chance to pork Anthony, and they are a studly combo, the most ingenious pairing since Ritz crackers met up with spray cheese. They are in perfect unison until Anthony cums TWICE being fucked. Where are the stray dogs to lick up a mess like this when you need 'em?

A sloppy pig eats as Rod fixes the jalopy his family so prizes and while twangy country music, courtesy of Gian Franco, strums behind him. With Rod under the car, Bret finally has the chance he's been lookin' for and digs his cousin's prick out of his jeans to blow it. He deep-throats him quickly. Bret is as manic for cock as he was with Rod's father. (As obsessed as Graceland visitors lookin' for Elvis ashtrays.) Mind you, for most of this, Rod stays under the car, but once he emerges, watch out! He's every bit as nasty as his varmint dad. After Bret blows the heck out of Rod, which is shot from magnificent camera angles, Rod wants to take up a game. He tells Bret to go 'round the back of the truck and strip. Throwin' down the flatbed, Rod hoists Bret up and shoves his face into his ass. Bret gorges himself on butt here, probably lookin' for the R.C. Cola bottle hid deep up there somewhere. No, he's a rimmer, born and bred, and he does it better 'n anyone in this video. Rod is just a mass of nastiness as he makes Bret "dig, boy, dig" into his ass. He spreads a hanky down on a bale of hay so that Bret can get at him in a few other positions. "Where'd dey teach you dat?" Rod asks as he slaps Bret's chest and shoulders to goad him into further blowing' and rimmin'. (Probably one of the rides at Dollywood, cousin Rod.) Rod's hairy ass looks tastier than a shaved pork sandwich smothered in Thanksgivin' gravy, and Bret just loves it! Bret makes the mistake of telling Rod "fuck you" at one point, which gets Rod real dern angry. So, he turns the tables on Bret and does just that. Bret is every bit as aggressive a bottom as he was a cocksucker, and Rod hammers away at him. As good as Rod is, Bret is again the scene-stealer. He can take all of the rage Rod has, with the snarlin' and the spittin', too, all with total abandon and wild eagerness. He's even undaunted when Rod squeals like a pig to make Bret feel more like an animal. I regret the lack of close-ups with the anal work, but the pull-backs allow for both participants to act their way through the scene as well as swelter sexily through the fucking. They are as unfailin' in their devotion to their characters as to the sex itself, and everything here works smashingly. They sit side by side for their cum-shots, and Rod has a great one, before Rod bends down to gently kiss Bret. He stops before their lips touch, laughs, and says: "we're not kissin' cousins, we're fucking cousins."

Trent's other sire, Candy, played to pig-tailed spoiled perfection by Frieda Lay Brown, sits down on the couch with her grillin' father and announces she's "old enough to screw who I want to," causing Trent to chase after her for a beatin'. She makes the mistake of announcin' that her mate has also stolen the prize pig while Rod was off screwin' Bret, so Trent, shotgun in hand, takes Rod off to nab the pig thief. Luke Pearson is said robber, and his innocent blond smooth look makes him yet another valuable player in this tale. The pig insists on squealin', which causes Luke to shout at it "you're ruinin' my concentration" from readin' a girlie mag. He sees the angry boys drive up and father and son are hoppin' mad. "This is the last time you'll think of messin' with my daughter or my livestock!" The best way Trent and Rod can think to teach Luke a lesson is to shove Trent's dick into his mouth. Seems that everyone in this dim-witted county has had it. It's the Daisy Duke of this video. Thankfully, this scene never turns into one of those where the guy forced by the others actually likes the sex. What ensues is not a pretty scene, but a rabid forceful one where Trent and Rob peck at Luke like chickens. In fact, the scene spends much more time with the verbal and physical abuse of poor Luke than with the sex itself, and that's just what's called for. However, that doesn't stop Rod from asking Luke if his daddy's dick tastes better than his sister's "nasty pussy."

Trent beats Luke's plump ass with a belt and Rod spits out some classic white-trash dirty-talk as he forces his dick to be a-sucked. Luke is made to give Rod another superb rim. Trent gets to fuck Luke while Rod gets blown. "Don't like it so much, it takes the fun out of it!" Rod bellows. Luke admits he likes it, but that doesn't stop him from pretending he's a solid sack o' potatoes instead of a willing third. Throwing "yee-haws" back and forth, Trent and Rod both get to fuck Luke at various swirling points. Banjos plunking in the score, Trent's fuck is that of a massive giant screwing a mouse, and then they suspend poor Luke in the air so Rod can have another crack at him. Both cum big time on Luke and take back their pig in the end.

As this appropriately dysfunctional family (well, in porn terms, they function quite well) sits and watches TV, Earlene returns with her plastic crown and trophy. Sure, it's no bowling win, but she has become the "Queen of Karaoke." Make sure to stay with the video through the credits to see an extra heap of trash dished out by Rod Barry.

Funnier than hell and doubly as sexy, "White Trash" works on every single level. The music keeps things going at a clip pace, and the editing makes sure to show off the guys since the direction is often more concerned with the plot and the characters. None of this is wrong, mind you. This is a video that someone imagined brilliantly, and then decided to actually follow through on action-wise. It's not filmed in some pretty set in West Hollywood, but rather in and around an actual trailer. Rod Barry, making the most of his blazing second career, leads an absolutely wondrous cast, taking characterization to hysterically dizzy heights here. Only Rowdy Carson manages to have as much fun with the dialogue. However, she doesn't get to do anything sexually. As grand as the story and the follow-through are, the sex is still the thing here. Roundly, it's perfect. Not one performer is less than focused and intense, and not one scene flags for so much as a second.

Now, should anyone be offended at making fun of what Americans affectionately refer to as white trash? If you're white trash yourself, think of this as a celebration of lifestyle rather than a jest. "White Trash" is so much fun and so fucking hot that it ends up glorifying an oft-neglected section of our society.

A Video Review by Brent Blue

The funniest video of the year is also one of the sexiest videos of the year! Director Tony Alizzi and MSR Video have really outdone themselves with this sleazy comedy about a white trash trailer family. From the tabloid style box covers to the Hee-Haw honky-tonk soundtrack, you will be chuckling as you're jacking. The funniest thing about this video, though, has to be the over the top performances by Rowdy Carson and Sharon Kane as two hot-to-trot tarts. The sexiest thing is, of course, the sizzling sex between the hunky guys.

The video starts out with hilarious performances by Carson and Kane, decked out in outrageous Wal-Mart eveningwear, leaving the family trailer to compete in a local karaoke contest. Carson's husband, Luther, played by the ultra-butch Trent Cougar, stays behind to watch Jerry Springer with his nephew, Bret Wolfe.

As soon as the car pulls away, Wolfe is on his knees inhaling his uncle's big cock down his throat. Sexy young punk Wolfe gobbles the thick pole, slobbering and choking on it while his uncle coaches him. Cougar is incredible as the somewhat abusive uncle who wants his fat cock serviced, physically and verbally smacking Wolfe around. Wolfe's enthusiasm and Cougar's chiseled bod and big cock make this an intensely hot scene. Not to mention Cougar drinking beer and watching Springer while forcing his nephew's throat down on his big, knobbed pole. In the end, Wolfe ends up getting a trailer park facial.

Carson and Kane stop at a gas station, where they encounter sexy mechanic Clay Maverick. "You can fill me up, please," is Carson's tongue-in-cheek attempt at a pick-up line, but Maverick only pumps gasoline and sends the two horned-up broads on their way. He walks in on Anthony Shaw blowing Chad Johnson through a glory hole in the gas station men's room. Maverick strips out of his mechanic jump suit and lets Shaw deep-throat his beautiful cock along with Johnson's huge, uncut schlong. Maverick is not only GQ handsome but has one of the finest bods in porn. Shaw gets his own dick sucked by Johnson before he sits on the thick, uncut pole. The bathroom stall fuck is hot but quick, ending with Johnson shooting all over Shaw's perfectly round ass. Johnson leaves, but Maverick takes over, face-fucking Shaw and then having the blond eat his ass while he pisses at a urinal. Shaw sits on top of a sink and soon has his ass reamed out by Maverick's rod in a hard-pounding fuck session. Both studs shoot all over Shaw before the scene ends. Even though Maverick has been around for a few years, this is his hottest role to date, and he has never looked better.

Wolfe is up to his family-style cocksucking antics again as he goes down on his well-hung cousin, Rod Barry, in the next scene. While Barry has his head buried under his pick-up, Wolfe gets his face buried in Barry's crotch, deep-throating his cousin's thick, uncut member. The action moves to the bed of the truck as Wolfe gets face-fucked and rims Barry's sexy ass. After a brief struggle, Wolfe's pert little ass gets banged by a hard-pounding Barry. Barry butt-fucks his cousin in a variety of positions before laying back and jacking his dick off to an explosive climax.

Back in the trailer, Cougar's daughter tells him she can sleep with whomever she pleases, including her no-good boyfriend, Leroy. Cougar threatens to discipline his little tartlet and goes ballistic when she tells him that Leroy has stolen the family's pig and is going to barbecue it for dinner. Cougar and Barry race over to the boyfriend's, where they save the pig but chase Leroy, played by Luke Pearson, all over the place. When the guys catch up to him, they punish him trailer-trash style. While Barry holds him down, Cougar forces his thick cock into Pearson's mouth. Father and son take turns porking the pig stealer, first raping his mouth and then his ass. Pearson seems pretty willing, though, when he's slurping on Barry's pole while being mounted by big daddy Cougar. Barry is incredibly enthusiastic in his role, and we get another great opportunity to marvel at Cougar's beautifully humpy bod. Pearson never really gets hard in this scene, but who really cares? He's just there to be used by the inbred father-and-son team. You can almost hear the banjo song from Deliverance playing as Barry and Cougar splash their loads all over Pearson. With the pig safe at home, Carson and Kane return as well, with a crown for Carson. Mama tells her family she is the new "Queen of Carrie-Oh-Key" and that her lazy family needs to get off its asses and get some action. If she only knew!

I'm sure this tongue-in-cheek take on trailer redneck life could offend someone, but I doubt it. The scenes are all played for laughs and really work. Best of all, the sex is incredibly hot especially the first two scenes. Cougar is incredible in his role, and the bathroom sex is hot and sleazy. Wolfe plays a great cock-hungry cousin, but the real scene-stealer is Carson in her over-the-top portrayal. I would expect to see her, as well as this video, nominated for the Grabbys next year.

- Ryan Williams