Jesse Santana is one desperate paparazzo. Before the movie even starts, he's on his cellphone telling a mysterious someone to find him dirt! And I don't think he's worried about Lindsay, Britney or Paris. He even has his trusty photographer, Cole Ryan, crouched in the backseat, camera ready for anything that might happen. Desperate gossips can stir up tons of trouble.
Meanwhile, in the make-up room of a television series, butch blond Andrew Justice is pissed at changes to a scene with Braxton Bond, whom he angrily calls a "faggot" in front of a few witnesses. Uh oh. It doesn't take an internship at a Seattle hospital to figure out where we're headed, now does it? Or maybe it does. After all, writer and director Andrew Rosen, at his absolute best here, is always full of surprises, and even with a ripped-from-the-headlines plot, he manages to make it his own, not only comically, but sexually, of course. His glamorous cast members are not only great actors but dynamos when they don't have to speak. The title may refer to a slur, but honestly, I kept thinking it was a stand-in for "fuck," the greatest of all the fun here.
Okay, so lean tattooed Braxton is actually gay, and his lover, secretly, is twinky brunet Jason White, also an actor, but on a show "on that other network." When everyone disappears, Braxton and Jason decide to use the make-up room for make-out. Braxton, sporting a beautiful tight body, goes down on Jason's humongous cock for a hand-and-mouth combo that starts the movie off with superb sizzle. Jason is just as cock-mad, and luckily Braxton has a big hooked pecker of his own that Jason can gobble in a whiplash-inducing blowjob. After Jason dotes on Braxton's dick and balls, he heads for his ass. As his own nipple piercings twinkle, he tears into Braxton's smooth hole with his tongue, giving it a strong invasion. Braxton returns to deep-throating Jason, a tough task that he manages wonderfully, before Jason finally gets to fuck the ass he's prepared so well. With Braxton on his back, Jason is able to fit his entire cock into him. It's tight in there, but Jason has the energy and desire to fuck wildly, which he does from the onset. The camera is so close to the action, highlighting the outstanding workout. The fuck goes on until these guys are worn out, and only then does Jason pull out so Braxton can cum. He then spits out a giant load of his own all over his boyfriend's torso.
But wait, there's a twist at the end of the scene. After all that great sex, Braxton tells Jason he thinks they should back off their relationship since neither is ready to publicly come out. How very Hollywood of these two: wanting not only to have ass, but to eat it too.
An on-set spy has of course spilled the beans about Andrew's acrimonious tantrum, so that week's rags not only hint at rumors of Braxton's secret life, but they feature Andrew's F-bomb. Producer Matt Majors is mad as hell and takes Andrew to task in the presence of Andrew's agent, Tyler Saint. "My agent's a faggot. I have no problem with him," Andrew snarls, not at all apologetic. Tyler sends him out and Matt agrees to keep Andrew on the show. "Doesn't he know everyone's gay in Hollywood? He's committing career suicide," Matt rails.
Matt leaves to make a call, but brings in his assistant Christian Owen, to "entertain" Tyler while he waits. Christian launches into an audition piece from "The Glass Menagerie" (Tennessee Williams would be tickled even pinker to know he's ended up in gay porn), but Tyler stops him by whipping out his mammoth cock for smooth shaved-headed Christian to suck. His oral skills are vastly better than his verbal ones. Christian is a fearless sucker, and one needs to be in order to handle rugged beefcake Tyler. Tyler relaxes in all of his muscled glory as Christian races ahead with a flashy blowjob designed specially to delight its recipient. He makes sure to look up at Tyler every now and then to prove it's all working. Oh, it is! Matt, still on the phone, comes back, lazily unbuttoning his pants and dangling his cock into the mix while finishing up. Christian immediately attacks it, but he's sent back down to Tyler while that stud gets to gulp down the movie's biggest dick whole. Christian can't be far from the center of the action for long, so he soon slithers back to Matt's dick, sharing it with Tyler in an outrageously hot display of sharing. Christian rests his mouth while Tyler blows both guys with his unique animal spirit. He then turns his tongue to Christian's bull's eye hole with his tongue and lets Christian suck Matt solo. Tyler rims the heck out of Christian, but it's still not ready for fucking until Matt and Tyler have switched places. Matt adds his saliva lubricant before sending in his torpedo cock. It shouldn't be a surprise that Christian can take it all, but whenever Matt fits into an ass this well, it's always a delight. Not only does he fit, but Christian's ass is so welcoming that he's allowed to do whatever he wants in that, namely rage ahead with steamy speed. It's a good thing Matt isn't ready to cede Christian's ass yet, because he gets to keep firmly inside when Tyler is ready to fuck, so he plays man-in-the-middle for Ty. Matt tops and bottoms with aplomb, keeping Christian squirming while backing up fiercely on an impressed Tyler. I ask you, how are you supposed to remember any F-word other than FUCK when you see it done this well? Still not finished, Matt sits on Tyler for a spiffy ride while Christian gives Tyler a cock to suck. But, it's long-lashed Christian who gets to play receiver for all three loads.
Jesse's on-set blabbermouth is Guy Parker, an adorable guy with a nice lean body and a shocking sprig of platinum hair on his head. He brings Jesse to the set and as they discuss the terms of their deal, Jesse pops open the buttons on Guy's shirt (which were barely holding together over the stress of his pecs anyway) and they kiss like teens in heat. Gorgeous dark-haired Jesse is forever a dreamboat, but Guy is every bit his match, and together they have an intense chemistry. While Guy flexes on a couch, Jesse digs out his cock and bends over to suck it. It's the perfect size for his mouth, a good fit that allows him to playfully blow it and really impress. Guy has some juicy balls too, and they jiggle happily as Jesse pulls his cock this way and that. Inked Jesse then offers up his thickness to Guy, who downs it heartily. He retains the peppiness Jesse has made to integral to the scene. Guy then buries his tongue in Jesse's ass, where he gives an awfully unforgiving rimjob to a gyrating Jesse. Guy's boyish face is a real mask for the most manly and mature of sexual appetites. Jesse has been panting for a long time, but he hits new notes when Guy fucks him, using a punishing hip swivel that not only delivers, but looks sexy as hell. The sexpot top gives Jesse a towering doggy-fuck, with Jesse turned around to watch it come at him. But, best of all is that that the guys are versatile! Guy pokes his round rump at Jesse, who slams into him with the same determination that carried Guy's anal assault. These guys are inexhaustible, and even this long into things, neither shows any indication of flagging energy. Just when it's time to cum, the guys are on the verge of being discovered together, but they manage to silently pop off, no easy trick considering how big their loads are! Watching them shoot while covering each other's mouths is at once sexually inventive and absolutely hysterical.
The interrupter of the above scene is none other than our loudmouthed problem child, Andrew Justice. In comes Jesse's pal Cole Ryder, who howls at Andrew for his horrid remarks. He insinuates that Andrew may be hiding something by being so vocal. Andrew grabs tiny Cole by the shirt and insists, "I'm not gay!" over and over as he's pushing Cole down onto a mattress and straddling him. "Kiss me," Cole demands and, after a brief, "no, I ... " Andrew is in full make-out mode with Cole, breathing heavily as he's undressed. Andrew launches into gay sex with abandon, writhing with glee as Cole sucks his meaty upward-curving cock. Hairy he-man Andrew is lucky to have Cole as a partner, because the kid is unstoppable. He always looks sleepy as a scene starts, but once cocks jump out, he roars to life. Andrew has a tough boner, but Cole deep-throats it with so much hard work! I don't envy Cole having to deliver a blowjob on Andrew in the big "he's finally gay" scene of a movie filled with highlights, but not only does he rise to the challenge, he almost makes you forget everyone else. Long into the sucking, Andrew works Cole's dick out of his jeans and they 69. Andrew makes a fine addition to the scene, chowing down heartily, doing especially fine work with Cole's balls. Cole takes advantage of his position below to move up to Andrew's hairy ass, which he tongue-fucks viciously. Look at the sweat pouring off these guys. I don't think it's a result of the Fahrenheit. Cole says he wants to get fucked, and willing Andrew settles back so Cole can ride him. Cole is all the way down Andrew's cock from the first insertion and then turns in a huge ride, going up and down the full length with every bounce, and with sterling speed. It's lucky that Jesse happens upon the guys right here and is able to snap a few pictures. He gets his scoop, of course, but he also gets to see them at their best. Cole is placed on his head so Andrew can fuck him, and now Andrew's full passion can explode. The wowing energy doesn't abate -- not here, and not in a stand-up fuck that follows it. Andrew's topping is brutal and reckless, just that of a man discovering it for the first time with a world-class bottom. Dripping moisture, Andrew has a good spray and then Cole stands over him to blast a bucket of cum.
"Break out another toaster" the magazine heralds after that scene, but the twist is that right under it, Andrew is quoted as saying, "I have never felt freer." Take that, real life!
Some other F-words? Fantastic! Fabulous! Frisky! Felicitous! Fun-filled! Fortuitous! Ferocious! Fenomenal (hey, I'm allowed to stretch spelling a bit to make a point)! All of them, and more, can be used to describe "The F Word," a real dazzler full of kinetic sexual excitement and delightful inside humor, a masterpiece from Andrew Rosen, rapidly rushing to the head of the pack of experts who make comic porn so sparkling
DVD features: Chapters; cum-shots chapter; gallery; trailers ("Just Add Water," "Jet Set Fraternity Gang Bang 2," "Workload" and "Proven Straight"); and no regional coding (playable worldwide).
A DVD Review by Brent Blue
