Director Chris Steele's "5 Easy Ways to Fuck a Straight Guy" is not a rom-com, it's a how-to guide for getting that "straight acting" guy in the sack. By "acting" I mean that these hoary tips would only work on the most eager gay boys, as the one-liners used throughout are anything but subtle. In other words, don't try these lines at home, folks, or your likely to ruin a few friendships and get banned from your gym!
Adam Campbell, the bait and the emcee here (he introduces each scene, and recites the tip for the home viewer's edification and memorization), is all-American jock sexy, with bright blue eyes and broad shoulders. He looks like he could be a one of the handsome young bucks on one of those reality dating shows.
The opener features Adam and swarthy bodybuilder Vince Ferelli. The tip here is to "appeal to his ego," which Adam does somewhat believably -- and completely effectively. Adam peppers Vince with body with praise in a gym (Vince protesting that he's "100% straight," yeah, right), then peppers his pecs and nips with kisses. Adam continues with a powerhouse blowjob on his knees before the muscle god, sucking down Vince's dong with enthusiasm and passion. Vince -- no surprise here! -- then goes down on Adam's pretty dick, licking and sucking with the skill of an old pro. He goes all the way down, and strokes his own cock as he sucks. Slender Adam takes big Vince's butt next, fucking the big muscle man all over the gym. Having just been fucked by a dude, in a gym, the %100 straight guy Vince confesses to Adam: "I guess it's more like 80% while you're around."
Two skater dudes, Dempsey Stearns and Jason Pitt, are working at their computers when Jason, a windswept blond, pulls out an old trope, "nobody will find out," to get the party started and Jason pulls out Dempsey's ramrod straight pecker and starts deep-throating right away. Quickly converted to the pleasures of gay sex, Dempsey gobbles down Jason's fat cock too, then pokes his ass up, to get his bum rimmed by young Jason's tongue, then fucked by young Jason's dick. Jason whomps a missionary fuck into Dempsey on his back, then doggy. Jason dumps his spunk on Dempsey's backside and Dempsey jerks his onto Jason's smooth chest.
The third scene uses the time-honored "give 'em beer ... and lots of it" (a.k.a. "Blame It on the Alcohol") for a trio of horny sexpots: Marcus Steele, Ryan Rockford and Mason Alexander. They play a game of "gay chicken," seeing how close they can come to going down on a hard dick, without actually doing it. Ryan resists taking Marcus's hard dick, but Mason gives in and actually goes down on gorgeous Ryan, deep-throating, sucking on the perfect cock with aplomb. Ryan and Mason add Marcus to the mix, Ryan getting sucked by Marcus as Mason inhales Marcus' dong. Ryan and Mason alternate sucking Marcus' pink dick, and then Marcus moves to fuck Mason as he's sucking Ryan, who's standing and straddling Mason. Marcus switches to fuck Ryan (this is some of the best fucking in the flick, Marcus really slamming into Ryan's muscle butt with vim and vigor). Mason shoots his load, and then Marcus pulls out of Ryan to cum. Ryan jacks off and cums on Mason, with Marcus kissing and hugging him from the rear.
The fourth tip to "confuse him with scientific facts" features Cody Carter and Austin Wrigley as college students. This tip seems to be limited to doctors, scientists and Al Gore, but I digress. As it happens, Cody catches Austin jacking off and tells him to finish as, scientifically, it's not healthy to stop before you cum. "Retaining semen can cause serious side effects." He intervenes and takes over, going down on him and saying, "Hey, you're the chemist, I'm the pre-med. I think I know best." Cody moves to the bed, Austin on top sucking him, and Cody has a beautiful cock and body. Cody then stands up on the bed so Austin can continue to get face-fucked. Cody then gets down to suck on Austin, they reverse positions, Austin gives head to Cody. And then they reverse again. Austin then sits on Cody's dick, and then kneels for Cody to slam it in doggy, and finally, he takes Cody missionary. Cody shoots a load of cum over Austin, who in turn asks to see Austin cum. He responds by jacking and spews for Cody.
The boldest advice is saved for last. Pretty-boy Adam returns for "tell him he's gay." This advice is given to sexual dynamo Patrick Bateman by Adam, who is sitting on a sofa with an erection and a big smile. "I know what you want, but I'm not gay," Patrick says after staring straight at his naked buddy's cock. Adam, challenged, sets out to prove otherwise. Patrick, wearing boxers and a deep California tan, reclines on a nearby ottoman as Adam smiles and flirts in the nude. Predictably, Patrick's dick quickly gets rock-hard, so Adam pulls his shorts off and goes to work. "I thought you said you weren't gay," Adam asks between slurps? Patrick's big cock is nice and hard as Adam continues to suck and swallow. Patrick drops to his knees to suck on Adam next, and then Adam gets even bolder and tells Patrick that he wants to fuck him. Wish granted, Adam shoves his sleek dick in and fucks his bubble-butted buddy. Patrick flips over as Adam pounds his ass. Adam then pulls his dick out, and Patrick jacks to shoot his load, and Adam soon follows. Patrick confesses, "I guess I really am gay." Adam replies, "Naw, you just like having a dick up your ass."
DVD features: Chapters; widescreen; behind-the-scenes footage; cum-shots chapter; gallery; trailers ("Jock Tease," "Slide," "Screwed," "Muscle Mountain" and "Hung Country for Young Men"); and no regional coding (playable worldwide).
A DVD Review by Butch Harris ( http://www.ManNet.com )
*** Highly Recommended ***